The monster inside of me

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I wish I knew more people who know where Molly is. )’: I miss her and I just want to dance.


Such kind ladies.
straight rollin off my ass

So I met this boy the other day. He went to school with me but I didn’t know much about him. He invited me to his friends bonfire and I told him I wasn’t sure because I didn’t want it to be awkward since I didn’t know any of them. He told me “awkward is middle school. We’re adults. Its just a way of meeting new people”. I felt like he was challenging me! So I went. And boy did I have FUN. Never would I have thought that I would enjoy a night (being the only girl for the most part) with people I didn’t know. Of course we had a few drinks which was probably the case of why I felt so comfortable, haha. Usually I would never put my self in a situation like that only because you NEVER know what will happen. I was raped about 2 months ago and you would think I would be hesitant about staying the night at some guys house. But I did it anyways. He respected me and made me present to others. Any other guy I’ve ever been with never did that. So it felt very nice. He also hid my stuff for me so nobody would go through it. What meant the most was the fact that he took care of me while I was intoxicated. Even though I wasn’t wasted.. He’s into music as well as I am and I listened to him play the guitar for a good hour. I’m into the piano, and I wanted to show off like he was but of course I was too drunk to remember how to play. I told him what song I wanted to play (which was my favorite one) and that I was embarrassed but he just laughed it off and said it was okay. WHICH I love! I can be my complete self around him. We just laugh about everything and just enjoy life rather than being nervous and wondering what the other person might think. He makes me feel good to be myself. The last guy I dated was very controlling. My opinion never mattered, in fact I was “stupid” 24/7. He always bashed me down, and made me feel like I was never good enough. So meeting this new guy really makes me happy that there aren’t just assholes in the world. What really set me to like this kid, was the next day he posted on my facebook wall with a youtube link, and next to it said “right one?” I was confused because I had no idea what it could have been, but once I clicked on it my heart sank. He posted my favorite piano song, the one I couldn’t remember the night before. The fact that I didn’t have to repeat myself for someone to remember something and that fact that we were both drunk and he still remembered makes me so happy. I’ve never felt this way with someone. What’s even weirder is I haven’t even known this kid for that long. I feel wrong to feel this way, but at the same time I’m just going with the flow. I’m happy right now and that’s all that matters.

It was easy not to eat because my mom never bought groceries but now she’s actually buying them. I feel bad for wasting her food ):